Desperate Men are So Unattractive

I have a cousin, let’s call him Brent.  Brent is a really nice guy, but he’s so desperate for love that you can smell it on him.  Seriously, using way too much cologne is a cry for help, but I digress.  Now Brent has been through a LOT!  He married (and divorced) a stripper turned Madam turned 911 operator.  After his divorce, he and his 2 kids moved in with his mom and he went to school to be a Surgical Tech.  He got a wonderful job and met his next ex - wife, a doctor that was 30 years his senior.  After their divorce, he moved back in with his mom (with his 2 sons) and began the alcoholic train.  After his battle with alcohol was won and he was clean and sober, he went on the hunt for wife number 3.  He found her, a nurse who was in rehab for an alcohol addiction.  It was love at first sight.  After 4 months, they were engaged, but he never got the chance to say his ‘I do’s’ because she broke up with him and threw him out.  After finally finding his own apartment, he went on the hunt again, but kept whining to me that every girl was “psycho” or “flakey” or “had problems”.  He didn’t understand why girls kept ghosting him.  I couldn’t understand why he couldn’t understand.  I finally told him, “work on yourself”. 

Today on my power walk, I got a text from him asking me to look at this video and tell me if it’s true.  It was a video on how to make a girl obsessed with you – not just in love, but obsessed.  I painfully listened to this video and after gagging at what I heard, I felt the need to give men some advice:

1.      No.  She will not enjoy it when you don’t compliment her looks.  If you meet a woman, you can complement her.  It shows her you’re interested in her. 

2.     No.  Don’t pull away from her when she wants to be close to you.  She will be pissed that she didn’t get the attention and affection that builds intimacy. 

3.     No.  Don’t purposefully make her jealous.  This doesn’t make a woman feel ‘safe’ in a relationship if she sees you flirting with other women.  It will only cause a fight and maybe a breakup.

4.     No.  Don’t act like you could walk away at any time.  This is so childish and it will make her think you’re not invested.  She will find someone who will commit to her and dump your ass. 

5.     No.  Don’t be unpredictable and keep from her what’s on your mind.  This is an emotional element that bonds men and women.  It’s called intimacy and partnership.

6.     No.  Don’t trigger her competitive side with other women.  Women don’t want to compete with you or other women for you.  They want to feel like they are the only one for you, and then and only then, will you be the only one for them.

7.     No.  Don’t give her attention and take it away.  She will only find someone more interesting who finds her interesting enough to give her attention and meet her need for companionship.

If you’re a guy looking for a relationship and you feel like you need to ‘trick’ a woman into liking you, you have a really big problem.  You need to back away from dating and work on what is making you so insecure and makes you hate yourself.  If you don’t work on this, you will never have anything to offer a woman to have a sincerely beautiful and intimate relationship.  Don’t play games for hearts.  You will ALWAYS LOSE.