Don't Blow Your Wad

Men…Don’t blow your wad.  Now don’t get dirty on me – not THAT wad….the wad of cash in your wallet.  When you want to meet a girl for the first time, don’t go on an expensive date to try to impress her.  Meet her for coffee or a glass of wine and get to know her.  Ask her questions about herself, and see how you can envision her fitting into your life. 

My clueless cousin is forever trying to impress a woman.  He gets fixated on a woman who writes him back on a dating site, and when she agrees to go out with him, he spends money he doesn’t have in hopes that she will like him.  Don’t do this. 

Let’s be real.  Some women (not all) go out with guys to get a free meal.  You will find out if she’s actually interested in you if you ask her to meet you for a coffee or glass of wine.  Let her know that it will only be an hour of her time.  If she knows that this is not a free meal, and she comes to meet you, then she’s really interested.  If she gets pissed off because you don’t want to take her on a date the first meeting, then she’s not interested in you. 

Now, during this meeting, be yourself.  Ask her questions about herself – interests, education, family, kids, job, what she’s looking for and where she sees herself in 5 years - actually listen to her.  Also, open up to her and honestly answer her questions.  If you can see yourself with this woman or if you can see the possibility of her fitting into your life, ask her out.  Thank her for meeting you, and tell her that you would really like to take her on a date and find out more about who she is.  You will know in an hour (or less) if you’re interested in her.  Don’t play games.  Don’t make her wait for a date.  Ask her right there.

If it turns out that she’s not really a potential partner for you, what have either of you lost?  Nothing.  One hour of your time and $10 is a much better investment to sort out who is a potential partner and who isn’t.   If you decide not to date her, thank her for meeting you and let her know how much you enjoyed her company.  Be polite.  If she asks you out and you aren’t interested, don’t lie and say you will call her.  Be honest.  Tell her that you really think she’s beautiful and sweet, but you didn’t feel the chemistry.   

I hope that you will think of dating as a sorting process.  You’re sorting through women to see which ones fit and which ones don’t, just like you do your clothing.  When you find a perfect outfit, you know it’s the one!