How to Break Up With Her

First of all, I want to acknowledge that men generally don’t break up with women.  They are very good at putting their heads down and sticking it out.  They generally stay until they have no reason to – i.e. new job, opportunity to move, new lover. 

If you’re in any kind of serious relationship, I encourage you to seek counseling first before you just cut it off, unless there is some sort of abuse.  I personally believe that abusers can’t be fixed, and it’s not worth risking your life (or possibly your childrens’ lives).  With that said, there are many problems that can be worked out.  Communicating and trying to understand the other person are key in working through issues. 

But if you have gone through the counseling, and nothing is changing, it might be time to seek a break up.  If you know that you’re ready to move on, I encourage you to be 100% honest.  If you have a new girlfriend that you want to begin a new life with, suck it up and tell your soon – to – be ex.  Will she be very hurt and probably angry?   Yes.  However, being honest will make you feel better about the breakup. 

What do you say to get the subject on the table?

Let her know that you want to have a conversation.  She will ask you what you want to talk about.  Don’t tell her details over the phone or text.  Just tell her that it’s something that’s been on your mind. 

Sit down in a relaxed, neutral spot.  I don’t mean in a restaurant.  I mean at the kitchen table.  Don’t have this conversation in front of a TV or even while there is a TV on.  You want to make sure you have her entire focus.  If you have children, take them to granny’s house. 

First of all, you should let her know that you recognize how much you have been through and that you have great memories of your relationship.  Remind her about what attracted you to her in the first place – her good qualities as a partner, mother, woman.  Then tell her what you find is missing in the relationship.   After this, acknowledge the failed attempt at counseling, and let her know that you want to break up. 

If you have done all that you can, then she won’t be surprised.  She might cry, and if she does, try to console her.  You can hug her and tell her that you don’t intend to hurt her, but staying together isn’t a possibility for your happiness.  Be gentle, but firm.

What you shouldn’t do is tell her that you want to “take a break” to see what happens.  If you know you want out, get out.  But telling a woman that you need a break is cruel.  It gives her a false hope that maybe she has a chance with you. 

Also, if you have found someone else, be honest.  Men are honest.  Boys avoid the truth.  Be a man. 

If she gets irate, it’s probably best to leave the room or the home.  If you cohabitate, then you probably need to ask a friend if you can stay with them for a couple of days until you find your own place. 

Finally, if you were living with your ex, I encourage you to be on your own (living – wize) and not move in with another woman right away.   You need your own time to heal.  Don’t be the guy that jumps from one girl to the next.  Give yourself time.  You just suffered a loss, even if you’re the one that wanted to break up.