The Elephant in the Room: The Kids

You love your kids, but aren’t in a rush to introduce them to anybody.  That’s fair.  However, the fact that you have them shouldn’t be a secret.  You should put that on your profile and be honest about them.  You are a package deal and this should be clear to any potential mate.  This will weed out the people who are not interested in dating someone with kids. 

You have to think of dating as a ‘sorting’ process, like doing laundry.  You don’t just throw it in the washer without thinking about it.  You carefully sort through your clothes so the correct items get washed together, and the same applies for dating.  Forgive me for comparing finding love to your dirty laundry, but if you mix the wrong fabrics, you can have a disaster, and so it goes for finding the right partner. 

As a general rule, you should put the fact that you have children on your profile.  You should also put out whether or not you are interested in dating anyone with children.  If you don’t have it on your profile, you will possibly keep attracting the wrong kind of partner. 

To be clear to your potential mate, you should bring up that you have kids and ask your potential partner if he or she has kids in your first real conversation.  This will alleviate any confusion on either part and solidify where you stand, what you have to offer and what your potential partner should expect. 

What about when it’s time to meet the kids?

Kids can be a blessing and a big ole pain in the butt, so down the road when your partner is ready to meet yours, you will have already told him or her stories about your kids and painted a picture of the good and not so good of raising them that you have experienced.  You can tell your partner about your kids’ interests, hobbies, what subjects they are interested in, and anything you think might give your partner an edge in communicating with them. 

Meeting the kids can be stressful, but you can ease the pain by telling your kids ahead of time about your partner, what they do for work, what their interests are and what activities you enjoy together.  Explain what you like about your partner, and let your kids know that you would like for them to experience the special qualities of your partner as well. Explain to your kids that you understand it might be a little bit unusual meeting someone new that is not their parent, but you know that they want you to be happy. 

If I were you, I would have them meet on neutral ground.  Don’t fix a big dinner at home or give your kids the chance to run and hide in their rooms.  Have a short dinner at a pizzeria or burger place – somewhere casual – where you can have some sort of conversation, and then go have fun at an arcade, movie or amusement park.  The kids need to equate this new partner with having fun.  This will take the stress out of the situation and everyone can just enjoy the experience.