To Give 'IT' or Not to Give 'IT'

You gotta ask yourself, “What do I want?”.  I, honestly, think that we make much too much of sex.  The Baptist church tells you to wait because Mr. Right wants a virgin.  The Muslims will stone you for getting your freak on.  And the Jews want to make sure you have secured a good husband that they select from a huge database.  But what do YOU want?

This is an important question when you go out into the world of dating.  First, you have to decide what you want.  Do you want something casual with no strings attached?  Do you want to find your soul mate?   Do you just want to have a wing buddy that you go to bars with?  What’s the end goal? 

After you decide what you want, you then have to decide if you’re willing to be open to finding the opposite of what you want – you know, for some adventure.  It’s this open – mindedness that usually brings the most unexpected, passionate and wonderful love that you could ever experience.  It’s usually out of left field and makes you feel like you’re alive again. 

When I was living in NYC and started dating again after a long – term relationship, I decided that I was going to do the opposite of what I had always done.  What I did in the past and how I chose men always failed, so I thought that if I did the opposite, maybe that would be the answer to finding true love.  I knew I wanted to find love, but I didn’t want to rush.  I knew I wanted an honest and loyal man, but I didn’t want him too clingy.  I joined a dating site.

A dating site would give me the most variety and best options, and help me meet men that I never would come across otherwise.

I set up my profile and started answering questions.  Boy, some of those questions were so stupid, but I wanted to get to a good level where I met good men, so I just kept answering, no matter how insulting they were to my intelligence.  I dated such a variety of men that I had to write down their names and what they did for a living so I could keep them organized.  I decided that I was going to save the ‘goodies’ for someone special and not give it away too soon. 

In your search, you might have figured out what you want, but you might find a guy that doesn’t know what he wants.  This is a very common scenario where one partner is ready and the other is still figuring things out.  It’s at this point that you have to decide if you’re going to potentially waste the ‘goodies’ on someone who isn’t ready for you or move on to someone who IS ready.  That’s where establishing your goals comes in.  If you’re clear on your goals in the beginning, you can save a TON of time and energy.  If you’re in it for love, don’t settle.  If you’re in it for some pleasure, well, go for it.  But having a clear picture of what you want for yourself will give you better judgement when you’re in the middle of a big decision.