When Your Husband Finds Someone Else

I have a friend- let’s call her Suze.  Suze had a cushy little life.  She was married to a very successful roofer who had his own business.  She was a teacher by profession, but her husband provided all the goods – big house, nice things, vacations.  Well, one day Suze found out that he had a girlfriend and had been lying to her for YEARS – like 10 years!  It was devastating.  He went to church and played all the right roles, but in reality, he was a phony and a liar.  She was depressed and hoping he was going to change.  He promised her he would.  So she was in this waiting game, putting her heart on hold to see if he would snap out of it.

I met her for lunch one day and she spilled the beans to me about all of this, and I said, “Why haven’t you called a lawyer?”  I made her call and make an appointment right then and there, and to this day she thanks me.

Fear can make us do crazy things, even stay with a man who doesn’t deserve us. It can also make a woman screw every guy that comes around, like in the case of Suze right after her divorce.  Fear of being alone, fear of losing everything - you name it, and there’s a fear for it.  After her divorce, she went from faithful, loyal, church – going wife to wanting to date inappropriately

– aged guys with no job that lived with their mothers.  She just wanted sex, and boy, did she get it.  Listen, I think that when you get out of a very long term marriage, and you need to sew some oats, go right ahead, but after a couple of years, it’s time to quit wasting the pretty and get yourself together or you’ll end up alone.  If being alone is what you want, then more power to you, but most women don’t want that. 

When you are getting out of a long - term relationship, first spend some time alone to figure out who you are again.  Figure out what you value and what you really want.  Don’t get wrapped up in someone else’s life and problems, and don’t boink every guy you go out with.  Give your mind some time.  Make yourself marketable.  What do I mean by this?  I mean figure out how you want to be as a woman and do that.  As women, we spend so much time doing for others that we lose ourselves a little.  Find the you before you were a we and be good to that person, and for goodness sake, don’t screw everyone you meet.  It will make you confused and you will just waste time. 

What does this look like?  Well, for some women, it’s losing weight and going to the gym.  For others, it might be taking an art class or a meditation class.  What it should be is something to make you enjoy yourself, have fun and take care of yourself.  Remember, you just had a heart break and you need to mend from that.  Doing this for yourself will make you more confident, and a confident woman is an attractive woman.