Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Have you heard the saying “Actions speak louder than words”?  Well, when it comes to men, no words can be more true.  Men are very good at making promises, but his actions will tell you what he really wants.  Let me give you a couple of examples. 

My friend, Suze, has been seeing this guy.  You all read about Suze in another blog:  https://www.askthelovedame.com/post/when-your-husband-finds-someone-else

Anyway, Suze has been dating a guy who lives 3 hours away from her.  For some of you, that might be ideal because you can live your life and have a man around whenever you want, but for Suze, that’s not really what she wants.  She really wants a meaningful relationship, so when she found Don, she was really into him.  He was exceptionally good looking, had a gorgeous physique, and told her how beautiful she was.  She was all in!

For their first date, she drove 3 hours to meet him (FIRST MISTAKE), and then told him that she was not going to have sex with him on the first date (SECOND MISTAKE), making him pour on the charm, take her to a romantic dinner and tell her the entire night how beautiful she was.  She fell for it and slept with him (THIRD MISTAKE).  Now I’m not a prude, but c’mon….this had booty call from the minute she turned the key in the ignition of her car to come to him. 

Ladies, I can’t emphasize enough to you that MEN LOVE THE CHASE.  That’s how they’re wired.  I’m not saying never ask a guy out, but to be the one making all the compromises and he gets the rewards with very little effort????  You’re begging to be used. 

In the weeks that followed the first date, she drove that 3 hours many more times before she started to feel dissatisfied in how things were going for her.  By this time, she had already given too much of herself in this relationship to back out now, plus, she told Don that she loved him.  Sigh……

I had a conversation with her, and I do feel very badly for her and other women who do the big ‘C’, COMPROMISE.  They compromise their better judgement, morals, personal standards and desires to make someone else more comfortable or happy.  How much longer can women put themselves 2^nd to someone who hasn’t earned it?  You are worth more than that. 

Here are some tips for you so that you don’t commit the Big ‘C’:

1.      Make him chase you. 

As I mentioned before, men love the chase.  It’s in their DNA.  When you make excuses for him why he doesn’t have time to chase you because he has to work, he has kids, he’s too tired, etc, you’re letting him off the hook and he won’t value you.  You are a prize to be won.

2.      Believe what he shows you.

What he shows you is who he is.  Don’t be overly flattered by words.  Talk is cheap.  What a man does is really what he means.  Watch his actions, and if they don’t match his words, then move on.  

3.     Don’t waste the pretty. 

Don’t waste your beauty, inside and out, on a man who has not earned it.   When you waste your time on someone who isn’t deserving of it, you lessen your value.  Bump up your expectations.  Which leads me to my next point….

4.      Expect more.

What you expect, is what you will get.  Expect more.  If he’s worth his weight in gold, he will meet your expectations and some men even exceed them.  If you communicate to him more directly on what you expect in a relationship, he will see that you value yourself and he will value you as well.  Don’t say to him, “Oh, well, I’m not going to have sex with you on the first date.” after you’re driven 3 hours to see him, he’s going to think you’re just teasing him, and he will play along.   From the get go, he will not take you seriously. 

5.      Dress for success.

Men are visual.  When you get to that first date, make sure you’re dressed beautifully, hair is done, makeup is done, and you feel GREAT about yourself.  Don’t argue that you’re not into makeup, he needs to see what’s on the inside.  I agree that he does, but give him the visual picture that will motivate him to get off his ass and chase you, do the right thing by you, and meet your high expectations.